he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
