I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
