I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
