I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
