i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Randomize
