Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
