New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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