I was born with a shot glass in my hand
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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