we have pet lesbian snakes
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize