My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
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No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
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I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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