After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
