Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
