I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dick very happy bro
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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