A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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