I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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