I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
