you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
