I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
