she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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