I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
