i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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