I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
