my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
