Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
