It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
