i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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