all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My breasts were aching with rage.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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