i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
