Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
