I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
