there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I looked at my own cervix.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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