I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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