After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
