I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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