How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
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Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
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You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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