whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
