dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
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