remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
