Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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