Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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