Soap is not a condiment
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
