i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
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I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
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I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on