Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
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I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie