and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
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But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.