oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.