you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
