I think my vagina is haunted
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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