Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
