my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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