I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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