spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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