do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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