I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize