My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I can't turn off my feet"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
