We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
