dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
