i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
