i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
