Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
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i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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