can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
