What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
