I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Two words: blizzard sex
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
