Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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