just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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