i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
