he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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